From the creative mind of James Gurney, the "Fire and Ice Volcano".
From my inbox
Have you heard of this before? These ascending digits arranged into this particular formula yield the right value of pi out to six decimal places!
pi = (12.3 + 4 + 5) / 6.78
The following is another email that I received in my inbox:
European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, pleas pas it on to oza pepl
The below came questions and observations came from my inbox:
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you don't ever see the headline: 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why 'abbreviated' is such a long word?
Why Doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why you have to click on 'Start' to stop Windows 98? (Who uses Windows 98 anyway?)
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour, while dish washing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a 'Broker'?
Why there isn't mouse flavoured cat food?
Who tastes dog food when it has a 'new & improved' flavour?
Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why they call the airport 'the terminal' if flying is so safe?
AND...
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Morphy Richards hairdryer: 'Do not use while sleeping'. (Rats, that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)
On bar of Palmolive soap: 'Directions: Use like regular soap'. (And that would be how???)
On some frozen dinners: 'Serving suggestion: Defrost'. (But, it's just a suggestion).
On Waitrose Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): 'Do not turn upside down'. (Well... duh, a bit late, huh)!
On a Marks & Spenc er Bread Pudding: 'Product will be hot after heating'. (And you thought????...)
On packaging for an Argos iron: 'Do not iron clothes on body'. (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: 'Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication'. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: 'Warning: May cause drowsiness'. (And...I'm taking this because???)
On most brands of Christmas lights: 'For indoor or outdoor use only'. (As opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: 'Not to be used for the other use'... (Now, somebody out there, help me on this, I'm a bit curious.)
On KP's peanuts: 'Warning: contains nuts'. (Talk about a news flash!)
On an a BA packet of nuts: 'Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts'. (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Virgin?)
I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: 'Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly'.
